The "Special Meeting"

In my last post I wrote about a "special meeting" Marty & I were set to attend. If I'm being completely honest and I do always try to be on this blog I have been a little hesitant to write about it. Not because I'm ashamed or embarrassed, but because I had fear. Fear of what people would think. Fear of what people would say. Fear of not being able to answer questions we may get about why we are doing this. But I have come to a place of peace and comfort. That's not to say that the fear doesn't creep back in every once in a while. I've just learned to listen to the voice of God telling me not to fear. The meeting was an orientation to learn more about an organization called Arrow Child & Family Ministries. They are a ministry that places foster children in homes to be adopted. It was kind of funny when the speaker went around the room and asked each couple why they felt like they were there and our answer simply was, "We're not exactly sure. We just feel called to be here." And that's about as honest of an answer as we can give at this time. We're not exactly sure why we are pursuing this or where this is going to lead. We simply feel called to go to these meetings and learn more. I think one of my biggest fears in sharing this is, I was afraid if we shared this news and then in the end, we felt it wasn't God's plan for us to foster or adopt, what would people think of us? But I have come to realize that's not what this is about. It's not about what the end result is. It's about feeling a call from God and blindly following. And let me say, it's not easy. It hasn't been easy to just jump head first into this without having a clue where it's going to lead. But there is a peace about it. A peace that as long as God is guiding us, we will be where we need to be. The entire time I was sitting in that room Tuesday night listening to all of the information about the process of fostering & adopting I had fear after fear and doubt after doubt coming into my head.

• "What am I doing here?"
• "I'm not equipped to deal with these things."
• "There's no way I could love a child that isn't my biological child, like I love mine."
• "I don't have the patience to handle something like this."
• "Why am I here again?"
• "Do we really want to 'mess up' our family dynamic?"
• "Why wouldn't we just have more children of our own if we can?"
• "Am I putting my children in harm's way?"
• "Are we even good enough parents to our children now to justify bringing more into our home?"

I mean, we are talking loads of them. Bombarding my brain. And every time they flew in, it was as if God was right there ready to just "poof" them into oblivion. With each thought that crept in, I kept hearing, "It will be ok. It will be ok. Move forward. It will be ok." So for now, we are choosing to move forward. We have no idea what the end of this journey looks like. There are so many possibly outcomes. We have decided to take the slow & steady path and continue taking the classes when we can. I'll certainly keep you posted on how it's going.